Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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