Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
