in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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