Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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