My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
