If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
