oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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