Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
