I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
