went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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