I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
