I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
