Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
