I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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