they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
