your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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