The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I will be naked everywhere
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
