I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
