i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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