She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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