Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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