you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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