and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
