yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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