i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
