Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
