This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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