We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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