I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
