I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
