she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
