don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
