Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
