SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
