Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
