my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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