wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
