my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
