I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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