So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
