She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
