The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
