sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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