i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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