it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i drank out of a bidet.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
