i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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