If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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