I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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