i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
