No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
