I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
