Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
