she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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