Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
