Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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