Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
