you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
