I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
