I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
