we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
