so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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