Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
