Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
